Quit Punching Yourself

I remember as a toddler my playful grandfather would stand over me, wrap both of my small hands into fists and playful, marionette me into boxing my own face. Who knew this self flagellation would stick around.

I spent 36 years of my life thinking the only things worth doing were the hard things. Train for a marathon instead of going for a 10 minute walk every day. Read the text book rather than the graphic novel.

We’re taught that adversity builds character. I want more character, therefor I should seek out adversity.

You have weaknesses? Work on them. Don’t quit until they are all gone.

The idea of leaning into my strengths felt like giving up, the grit-less route. How could one possible get better by doing what they are already good at?

Here I am, close to 40 and just now realizing that sometimes “doing the work”, is failing to realize there is an easier way. I’m actually doing it right now. Writing this feels HARD, therefor it has to be good for me to do it. Not today. I’ll try again when it’s easy.

A Case Against Thinking?

I’d say I’m more enlightened than Buddha ever was. He certainly never had a smelly child’s finger thrust into his closed eye while in the middle of a sit and remained calm. I have. I feel connected to the moment, I don’t think too much about the past or present, I am here, now. Until I start reading… Reading sets my mind ablaze. New ideas. New perspectives. My mind hums with excitement, all of a sudden I wake up, and a one hour walk flashed by in an instant. If anything pulls me from the present moment thinking does.

So is thinking good or bad? Life feels peaceful. I feel content. When I’m walking and noticing the birds and the leaves and thoughts are floating through my brain without much attention. I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be. When I’m thinking about new things my mind feels excited and chaotic and my attention is anywhere but here. But I love it.

Do these two states conflict with one another? Is the answer, like everything else in life, balance? We will see.

Why am I doing this?

What’s a blog for? Who’s it for? Why prioritize this over the million other things I could be doing with my time? The answer comes to me from Paul Graham. As I read the passage below a blog became a requirement not an option.

“Yes, it’s bad. The reason is something I mentioned earlier: writing is thinking. In fact there’s a kind of thinking that can only be done by writing. You can’t make this point better than Leslie Lamport did:

If you’re thinking without writing, you only think you’re thinking.

So a world divided into writes and write-nots is more dangerous than it sounds. It will be a world of thinks and think-nots. I know which half I want to be in, and I bet you do too.”

Like exercise is not a luxury but a fundamental need for a good life, so is writing (a gym for the brain). And so the journey begins. I’ll need to find the right modality, the right program for this new fitness. This blog is for me. To build and maintain the ability to think in this new world. I don’t want to wait for the GLP-1 for critical thought. Let’s do it the “hard” way.